


Drowning

by MoonlightatDusk



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Adam's Depression as seen in Season 2, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Rimming, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 15:40:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightatDusk/pseuds/MoonlightatDusk
Summary: He felt empty... like he had just drowned but the world had kept on going...Adam's depression gets worse and worse... Eric tried his best to be supportive but it is driving a wedge between them. A multi-chapter short fanfic that explores the depths of Adam's depression that we saw low-key in season 2. I thought this was a very important issue that I needed to dive into.
Relationships: Eric Effiong/Adam Groff
Comments: 14
Kudos: 97





	1. Please

**Author's Note:**

> There really wasn't enough exploration of Adam's quiet depression during season 2 so I wanted to explore it. That storyline is very personal to me and I wanted to do Adam justice! Plus there really isn't enough Eric and Adam fics out there so I hope y'all enjoy. Also side note, I still haven't figured out this site and it doesn't accept the way I formatted the pic on my google drive! So I am very sorry for the lack of italics to differentiate... I just can't figure it out :/

Fog engulfed his brain, and no matter how hard he was trying to focus on the scanner in front of him, the beeping sound of it, the feel of random items in his hands... He. Just. Couldn’t. He felt numb. A numbness that grew in his brain and slowly spread through his body, like an infection. 

“Excuse me?!” 

He jolted back into reality with fingers, dazzled in jewelry that was obviously centuries old in its tastelessness, snapping dangerously close to his face. 

“What is wrong with you?” scoffed a middle aged woman, shaking a bottle of anti- acid pills in front of him. 

“Yes M’am?” Adam’s soulless voice felt as if it didn’t even belong to him. 

“I’ve been trying to ask you if there’s a bloody discount on this! Damn it, what a generation. Your brains fried from all that-”

He could take those pills and chuck them across the floor, but that would just end up with him getting fired. He could take her, and chuck her-

“No, M’am. These are not on sale,” Adam answered. 

The woman scoffed, huffing, before waving her hand callously, “I don’t want any of this! How rude.” 

“You packed your basket all the way to the top,” Adam answered, just slightly annoyed. 

“I guess you’ll just have to unpack it then,” she turned on her small heels, before clanking out of the shop. 

Adam let out a heavy sigh. His knuckles clenched, his knuckles white. This was certainly a feeling. If came down to choosing between the rage and the emptiness, he’d choose the former, hands down. It was familiar. Unlike this emptiness that had invaded his body.

“Fucking twat,” he muttered under his breath. 

“Adam.”

The teen’s head jerked up so fast it gave him a cramp in his neck. He looked at his boss, rubbing the back of it with calloused fingers. 

“Empty the cart, would you? And… please Adam, she comes here all the time, we can’t lose her as a customer. Just… try, okay?” 

Adam muttered something that he wasn’t even sure he heard, nodded his head, and brought his numb hands to the products overflowing the cart. Hearing a sigh, he turned to look at the dog who was looking up at him from behind the gate. He sighed back, before returning to sorting out the items.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Eric sat at his dresser, his fingers tentatively holding a makeup brush, as he worked to slowly turn his face into art. This was one of his favorite pastimes. Sitting down and looking at all the colors before him, picking out combinations, moisturizing, plucking his brows… He loved being able to put a little self care into his day. This was something that was his, and no one else could intrude on his private time. Swirling his brush in a neon green, his eyes peeked at the dark phone screen laying next to him.

Adam was supposed to text him soon. Well… at least Eric hoped that it had been implied. Adam had been quiet. And who was he kidding, Adam was always quiet, sometimes not talking to him at all when they were together. But this was different. Usually, Adam’s face told Eric all he needed to know. The brute tried so hard to hide it, but his face exposed it all. He couldn’t believe he never saw that before, but ever since they had gotten close he realized just how expressive Adam really was. As if his emotions were just begging to be read as their puppet master tried to shove them deep into his closet. 

But lately, it was as if there had just been another wall between them. Eric was so proud of himself for being able to connect with Adam, after all this time… and now he had been completely blocked off. 

His fingers trembling a bit, he picked up the phone, and bit his lip. 

_‘Damn you Adam! I’m trying to focus,’_ Eric rolled his eyes, as his fingers tapped Adam’s name. 

_Hey, do you want to come over tonight after your shift? Or I can meet you? LMK._

Finishing the text, Eric pressed send, before throwing his phone on his bed, and picking up a brush once more.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A tap woke up Eric, who’s head felt groggy from that unexpected nap. Slowly, the boy got up, not yet fully comprehending what’s going on. But then he heard it again. The unmistakable sound of a pebble hitting his window. 

“Adam?” Eric said quietly, coming up to his window.  
To his surprise, the tall brunet was standing there, awkwardly scratching his head. Eric sighed, before opening his window. 

“I texted you.” 

That came out way softer than Eric expected. He was hurt, but seeing Adam always melted his heart… just a little… 

“I know.” Adam looked down at his shoes, before looking up, “Let me in?” 

It was then when Eric saw something. A small glimmer of emotion, on Adam’s face, in the way his voice wavered a bit. He extended his hand, as the taller boy jumped up and pulled himself through the window. The two stood there, before Eric took the first step, as he did more often than not, and extend his hand to Adam. 

“I want to hold your hand,” he said softly. 

It had kind of become their thing. A phrase of quiet acceptance. Feeling the roughness of Adam’s hand, Eric ran his thumb across, before putting Adam’s hand up to his mouth and placing a soft kiss on it. 

Adam’s eyes said it all. Tight lips, slightly flared nostrils and furrowed brows… And the way he squeezed Eric’s hand back. So hard, yet so fragile. 

Eric led them both to sit on his bed. 

“You know, I really missed you trying to break my window,” Eric said softly, bringing his arm up slowly to stroke Adam’s hair. 

“I know,” Adam answered, jolting Eric a bit. 

“What happened? We kind of agreed that we’d hang today and I... was it work?” 

“I don’t know,” Adam sighed, his eyes closing at the feel of his tingling scalp, with Eric’s fingers softly rubbing it. 

There was silence before Adam pulled himself up, and looked at Eric. That blank stare that told so much. 

“I like your makeup. The um… the green. It’s nice.” 

Hearing this emotionally stunted brute give him compliments always made Eric break out into the biggest of smiles. 

“T-thanks. Hey, do you want to talk?” 

Adam looked at him for a second, before leaning in to kiss Eric’s soft lips. He breathed in deep, before prying Eric’s mouth open with his tongue, his hot breath intoxicating the slender boy, who all but melted into him. 

_‘I guess that’s a no,’_

But Adam was now touching his neck, his hand firm on the nape...  
And they should have been talking.  
But Adam was kissing him, kissing his face, moving his wet mouth down his neck...  
And they needed to be having a healthy discussion.  
But Adam’s hands skillfully, gracefully in spite of his ruggedness, were undoing the buttons on his shirt. Respecting the expensive fashion that Eric treasured ...And he just couldn’t. He couldn’t talk as Adam pulled back, his eyes dark with lust, taking his hand and placing it on his giant, straining cock. 

“Please, please… touch me,” Adam quietly breathed into his mouth, applying pressure through Eric’s hand. 

And that’s what Eric did. Because the spell that this dummy had on him was so strong, the dizziness he felt just from smelling Adam’s cologne, from feeling his chiseled cheekbone under his thumb. 

God...those cheekbones. They were his kryptonite. 

Sliding his fingers under Adam’s jeans, he gripped the weeping cock into his strong, slender hand, stroking the hot member, feeling precum side between his fingers. 

Adam threw his head back, a guttural moan escaping him. 

“E-Eric,” his cheeks burned at his own stutter, his mouth open, drool running down his chin. 

Eric kissed him, hard. And moved to the floor, to quickly engulf the intimidatingly-large member into his mouth. 

“F-fuck,” Adam felt his head buzzing, a small smile creeping up on his face. 

Eric took in as much as if could, setting his spit travel down the rest of Adam’s shaft, stroking it. His tongue traveled up and down the hot memver, licking it, sucking the life out of Adam. He felt a strong hand holding his head. He hesitated before bringing his saliva drenched fingers from Adam’s dick, traveling down,past his balls, feeling Adam’s breath hitch, and gently guiding his hot fingers to Adam’s ass. 

He felt the brunet tense, before his hand brought Eric’s head away from his dick. Eric looked up, seeing Adam’s face scrunch up. 

“I-I’m sorry. It’s just I thought after last-”

Adam just shook his head, looking up at the ceiling. Eric saw the tension in Adam’s gaunt face, softening his gaze. 

“It’s alright, I won’t do it. Just relax, let me make you feel good. It’s okay,” Eric rested his hand on Adam’s thigh, giving it a soft squeeze. 

Adam succumbed to the pleasure for a few seconds before pulling Eric’s face away again, but this time, guiding him up, onto the bed. 

Their mouths connected once more, this time deeper, more aggressive. Adam growled into Eric, climbing on top of him. His hands traveled over Eric’s smooth, silky skin, marveling in the sensation against his own coarse finger tips. For a moment he was lost, disconnecting from the man below him, his eyes closed. In a few seconds he was slammed back into reality when Eric groaned his name, buckling his hips into Adam. 

“Come on,” Eric whispered, a smile on his face, “Fuck me, Adam.” 

Adam gulped, seeing his partner so disheveled below him, taking his own dick, and stroking it roughly. In contrast, shaky fingers desperately searched for a small bottle that Eric kept tucked between his bed and the floor. 

“Fuck me,” Eric moaned, letting his eyes flutter shut.  
Adam leaned down, and placed a small kiss on Eric’s lips, before inserting his lubed finger into the tight heat. 

“Oh God, Adam… Yes, yes,” Eric moaned with each finger thrust, hungry for the dick that he felt pulsing against his thigh. 

When he had reduced Eric to a complete mess, who couldn’t utter more than a continuous “Fuck me”, he slipped his fingers out, and taking a condom out of his jacket, thrown carelessly on the bed. 

“Eric,” Adam’s tone was commanding, but he said nothing as his favorite eyes fluttered open, looking deep into his. 

He wanted to say it, but he was terrified. So instead, he chose to guide his tip into Eric’s asshole, both of them gasping in pleasure. Adam couldn’t hold it. But Eric didn’t mind. So the taller boy pounded him, pounded him straight into the mattress, his muscular stomach tensing, giving Eric a wonderful show. 

“Fuck , Adam, you’re amazing.” 

Adam just buried his face in Eric’s neck, continually thrusting like an animal, wildly buckling his hips, wanting to get burrowed as deep into Eric as possible. The taller man’s face contorted in pleasure as he felt the tightness around his dick, and Eric’s lips sloppily kissing his neck. 

“You’re so fucking amazing,” Eric whispered.  
And with that, they both came with a groan, their eyes fluttering shut before they were looking into each other’s eyes. 

Suddenly, Adam got off of Eric, and turned on his back, almost curling into himself. Eric sighed softly at the loss of heat, before scooting closer to Adam and enveloping him.

“It’s okay... whatever it is you can talk to me,” Eric pleaded. 

“No, I can’t.” 

Eric softly kissed Adam’s shoulder, but felt the other boy recoil. Adam swiftly got up, and began to put on his clothes. 

“W-wait we were going to watch that movie remember?” 

“Don’t really feel like it. I gotta go.” 

_‘Really? Fucking prick,’_ Eric shook his head, looking down at his hands, his thumbs battling each other, a bit too harshly. 

Adam quickly got dressed, refusing to look at Eric, his cheeks burning. 

“I...I’m sorry,” the brunet mumbled before rushing out the door. 

As Eric heard hurried footsteps down the stairs, the confused muffled voices of his parents, he clenched his eyes, willing himself not to cry. He had spent way too much time on it to let it go to waste. With a trembling sigh, he reached for his phone and typed out another message. 

_Hey, Otis. You home?_


	2. I'm Sorry

“He just up and left?” 

Otis and Eric sat on the bed, cross- legged, facing each other. Otis’s blue eyes were wide, disdain very clearly written all over his face.

Eric’s face was fallen. Something Otis didn’t see often, which made his blood boil. 

“Y-yea...but…” 

Eric couldn’t even think of an excuse this time. It’s been months. 

“No, Eric! He’s been cold, he’s been distant, which _in itself_ isn’t terrible. But he isn’t opening up and it's hurting you,”Otis was exasperated, his hand gestures all over the place. 

“I could tell he’s hurting, man. I just don’t know how to help,” Eric sighed, falling back into pillows. 

Otis fell back too, looking at Eric with a serious, almost scolding expression, “But it isn’t your job to fix him, you know that right?” 

Eric’s eyes couldn’t hold Otis’s icy stare, it was shameful. He knew that he deserved better. He was Eric fucking Effiong. And Adam was just… a dick.

“It just seems like we were getting close, and now its like he’s just pulled away. I….” Eric paused, getting too choked up, “ _I hate it.”_

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” the brunet soothed his tone, extending his arms to hug Eric, “It’s not your fault.” 

_‘Damn Otis and his therapist brain. Too analytical…too perceptive’_

“Do you really think there’s no hope,” Eric whispered, biting his nails, which was very unlike him, considering his fresh manicure. 

“ I think,” Otis spoke slowly, thinking over each word, “ I think, that as long as he is this broken, you won’t be able to pick up all the pieces. And at some point, you will break too. And damn it Eric, you have come too far for that.” 

“But what if no one else will try… and he will just suffocate in his own tangled brain,” Eric’s words were soft, scared. 

“But that isn’t your fault.. You’re trying. And he is just pulling away... “ 

Otis felt Eric shake in his arms, and gently rubbed his shoulder. 

“Look… if you want to keep trying, I will support you because I love you. But something has to shift… and Adam has to be the one to break his own wall. Or at least, have someone more suited for the job do it.”

“I love him,” Eric choked out. 

_‘Love shouldn’t feel this painful,’_ Otis thought to himself. 

But then he considered Maeve. He jumped through hoops for her, and God did it hurt… But did that mean he never loved her? And if he had given up _truly_ , completely, had not rushed to her trailer to tell her he loved her in spite of all the obstacles… He couldn’t have been dating the marvelous Maeve 

“I know…”

It was all he could say. In truth, he knew his friend could see everything clearly. Maybe before, when Eric was just infatuated with the bully and was excited to see even a sliver of reciprocation, he was naive. But now, seeing Adam’s withdrawal, Eric must’ve felt it too. 

“...Want to play Mario Kart…?” 

The heart-broken teen sighed, looking at his best friend, “Yes, Oatcakes.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Adam walked down the dark streets, his chest aching. He felt his eyes stinging, but he refused it. He wouldn’t cry. If he had to feel this crushing sadness, he would do it like a man.

_'You’re such a fucking asshole,’_ the tall boy clutched his fists in discomfort. 

His legs felt like wooden planks, that he just unwillingly dragged down the concrete. Each step got him closer to his house. 

His dad wasn’t wasn’t there anymore, which he thought would have made a difference. And while he did feel less tense initially, the pain settled in. He hadn't noticed it until it was choking him. _Michael Groff_. A complete and total asshat. And yet, he was Adam’s _dad._ And that meant wayyy more to Adam than he cared to admit, especially to himself. 

_‘Why couldn’t you have fought harder. Like Mum said. Just paid a little more attention…’_

“Fucking prick,” the tall boy spat on the ground. 

And just like that, the rock that had weighed down his chest dropped lower. And he had to practically force himself up the steps. His mother was cooking in the kitchen. She turned to her son, a worried expression on her face. 

“Where have you been? I called,” she rushed over to him, hugging Adam close to her. 

He did not feel a thing. 

“Answer me, Adam! You can’t just wander the streets and come home whenever you feel like!” 

“I’m sorry…” Adam breathed in deep, smelling his mother’s sweet perfume. 

“What’s gotten into you lately? And whatever happened with Eric-”

“That’s none of your business,” Adam recoiled, breaking free from the hug. 

“Adam! I am trying! You’re acting just like your-”

And with that, Adam turned curtly on his heels and walked swiftly up the stairs. 

“Damn it,” Maureen whispered, rubbing her forehead. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Adam laid on his bed. He _tried._ Tried as hard as he could. But he just didn’t. He didn’t feel anything…. Anything but the sadness that grew like a tumor. He turned on the TV. His eyes were glazed, he could barely understand what was happening on the screen. But that familiar sound brought him into consciousness. 

_-Hey man… can we talk? For real_

_-Yes?_

His phone started ringing. He wanted to throw it at the floor. This was all too much. But it was Eric…. He owed him _something._

“Hi tromboner.” 

“...Hi, Adam. Listen… I know you’re going through something right now…”

“What would you know,” Adam felt a guilty pang in his heart as soon as that slipped from his lips. 

There was a long pause. 

“It can’t keep going on like this… I miss you….so much,” Eric said quietly. 

Adam felt terrified. This wall was strangely comfortable. When he thought about which was more insufferable, his pride was worth much more than harboring these feelings.

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“Just tell me what’s going on,” Eric pleaded quietly, “I can’t just keep living with this silence… then meeting up, fucking and then going back to nothing…”

“You don’t like having sex with me,” Adam sounded more wounded than he intended, and it made Eric’s heart hurt. 

“It’s not that. I can’t sleep with someone who is so emotionally detached from me…”

“It’s the only way I can show you I love you,” Adam blurted out, his cheeks blazing. 

Eric’s mouth dropped at such an earnest tone in Adam’s voice, his breath hitched. 

“I’m sorry I… I have to-”

“Don’t you dare hang up, Adam,” Eric snapped sharply, hearing silence on the other end, “We need to figure this out. And… I love you too… I just want to help.” 

There was silence. 

“If you love me, don’t keep me in the dark… You have to understand… We went through so much anger, so much hurt… and now there is… love… But it is also just silent…”

_Brooding._

Adam swallowed hard, his hands were shaking. His whole body felt so tight, like he would suffocate on all the thoughts that consumed him. 

“I’m scared… I don’t understand what is going on,” Adam choked out. 

Eric sighed, his brows furrowing. He felt a strange relief rush over him. 

_Adam was talking._

“We can figure it out, Adam. You don’t have to push me away. You already did that… it didn’t work out so well the first time.”

Adam’s eyes were glazed, he clung to the phone as if it was Eric. 

“Adam, would you like to meet me after school tomorrow? We could go get some food after school. There’s this new cafe, and they have a green tea cake! I know you really like those.” 

‘ _Divert. Distract. You can talk to him tomorrow.’_

Adam was taken aback, but stuttered, “Y-yes sure. I’ll see you tomorrow...Eric.” 

“Love youuuu,” Eric cooed through the phone, before hanging up. 

That little sing-song voice Eric did. It managed to melt Adam’s heart. If only for the night.

  
  



	3. Ruined

School was really fucking weird. His father had been too preoccupied with New Kid’s mom. He had barely spoken to Adam. But it was the only time Adam saw him. Would it have been more embarrassing if his dad was still shitting on him even on school grounds? Adam wasn’t sure. But it sure as hell felt colder in these halls. 

He walked sullen, kind of drifting by. He felt like a ghost, who wasn’t ever particularly welcomed in this institution. But that was always a fact wasn’t it? 

_Meet me after school tomorrow?_

Adam felt a small smile tug at his sullen cheek. His eyes drifted, only to catch the Headmaster's cabinet. And sure enough, a few feet away stood his dad. Tall, straight, a serious look on his face. As always. He lowered his eyes, and his feet carried him in a rushed shuffle, praying his dad wouldn’t say anything… or that he might. 

“Adam.” 

The sharp bark of his voice stopped Adam dead in his tracks. 

“Can I speak to you in my office?” 

“Yes, sir?”

The two sat facing each other, as Adam twiddled his thumbs.

“It has come to my attention that you’re not pulling your weight...again, Adam.”

Adam looked down at his hands, his jaw tightening.

“Sir… I’m trying.” 

“When you came back, it was your second, and _only_ chance. I remember specifically telling you that.” 

“Dad… I haven’t been feeling well. I-I’m sorry,” Adam lowered his eyes. 

“According to your grades you haven’t been feeling well your entire life.” 

_‘Precisely’._

“Sorry,” Adam spoke softly. 

“You better straighten out, Adam.” 

The brunet’s heart sank a bit. His eyes widened. Surely.. 

“I don’t mean your...personal life. I mean your grades. Get yourself in shape, young man.”

* * *

Adam left the office more sunken, which he thought would be physically impossible. But suddenly, he felt a familiar sound.

Adam knew before even turning around. He could hear the clacking of Eric’s shoes as he ran to him. 

“Hey there,” Eric’s enthusiastic voice was like music to his ears. 

He was the only person who was ever so happy to see Adam. 

“H-hey,” Adam turned around, being embraced into a warm hug by Eric. 

Eric always smelled so nice. Adam smiled into his shoulder, almost forgetting that they were still in school, still being passed by many students. And then he remembered, and quickly stepped away from his boyfriend. 

Eric felt his smile falter a bit. 

_‘This is new to him, he’s trying,’_ the teen smiled at the taller boy, holding his hand out. 

Adam’s eyes darted around, before slowly taking the warm, soft hand. 

“Everyone’s already seen it,” Eric reassured him, “they don’t care.” 

“M-my dad…”

“Isn’t here. Now let’s go get that green tea cake. I went to the place a couple of days ago and I saw it in the window. My first thought was Adam…”

Eric’s voice flowed through Adam like a cleansing river. His heart felt lighter, his head felt clearer. Eric’s softer skin against his own, his fingers intertwining in a secure hold…. Eric was just…. 

But then he felt that pang in his chest again. 

_‘You don’t deserve him. You’re not proud enough, you don’t talk enough, he deserves so much better than some good-for-’_

“Adam? You’re quiet, what’s up?”

“I’m always quiet, remember?” Adam fought to break out of the fog

“Yes…. Adam, we’re here.” 

‘ _How long was I not here…?’_

The couple walked into a small cafe. The walls were a pleasant light green, with white chairs and tables. Eric led the taller boy to a seat, sighing heavily. 

“What’re you thinking? You’re so hard to read lately…”

Adam stayed quiet, fidgeting with his hands, his fingernails picking nervously at his knuckles. 

“Stop that,” Eric gently covered Adam’s knuckles with his own hand, stroking the roughened skin with his thumb, “Please… let’s just… take a deep breath and talk.” 

“It’s hard to talk. You… you always seem to know what you’re feeling, and how to say it… and I’m just not like that. I can’t just... say what I’m feeling. Because I have no fucking idea.” 

Eric squeezed Adam’s suddenly cold hands, bringing them up, to place a gentle kiss on his fingers. \

“It’s okay… I understand.”

_I understand._

“T-thank you,” Adam put his head down, meeting with Eric’s. He hesitated, before taking a deep breath, “Every day… It feels suffocating. I wake up and feel so heavy… and I don’t know how to make it go away. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to do anything… It's...scary. I feel very a-alone,” Adam choked out the last word, his shoulder’s shaking. 

“Can I get you boys anything?” A young waitress’s voice caught them both off guard as Adam scrambled to wipe his eyes and sit up straight. 

“Y-yes,” Eric found his voice, “Two green tea cakes please.” 

The waitress looked them over, but instead of pursuing any further, quietly let them be. 

“This is stupid,” the older teen muttered, his shoulders so tense they ached. His jaw clenched, as cold sweat built on his neck. 

“No, no, Adam. This is good. We are talking,” Eric reached out to a recoiled teen, to run his hands over the soft brown hair that Adam had almost grown back. 

“I’m so glad you’re not sporting that buzzcut anymore,” Eric smiled warmly, boring his eyes into the brunet’s, “I quite like your hair, Adam Groff. Besides your cheek bones….so damn sexy.” 

Adam shivered, goosebumps running up his arms, to his neck. The warmth in Eric’s voice, the softness of it… made him melt. 

“Thanks,” Adam chuckled awkwardly, rubbing his neck. 

“Do you want to come over?” Eric whispered, moving his face closer. 

“S-stop, someone might see,” Adam’s brown eyes once again darted around the cafe, his cheeks blushing hard. 

“Let them. I’m _proud_ to be seen with you.” 

Eric’s sweet breath was intoxicating him, his words sent shivers down his whole body. 

“I...I am too. It doesn’t seem like it… or feel like it sometimes… But.. it’s not because I..”

“Shh.. Let’s get the cake to go,” Eric kept his voice to a whisper, his breath dancing over Adam’s skin. 

“Y-yea.” 

* * *

The two could barely make it home, their bodies burning with desire. They were so drunk on each other they could barely stand it. Eric dragged Adam up the stairs by his hoodie, thanking the Lord silently that his family was out. 

Their lips clashed as soon as the door slammed shut. Eric pinned the taller boy to his door, probing his mouth with his hot tongue. His mouth kissed his entire face, making sure to savor in Adam’s aftershave, his cologne as he traveled to his neck. 

“ _Fuck_ …” 

Adam’s neck was definitely his weakness. He could feel his knees shake beneath him as he felt goosebumps travel from his reddened ears to his chest. 

“Adam,” Eric breathed into his neck, “I want to taste you… like before.” 

The taller boy felt his whole body weaken. He remembered. His cheeks blazed crimson, as he felt Eric’s hot mouth travel lower, now undoing his jeans. 

“But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Seeing you that night… such a mess… it made me so fucking hard.” 

“I… I…” Adam felt a bit of shame creep in, but the way Eric was nuzzling his nose into his pubic bone, and the way the tip of his tongue teased the length of his dick, the feeling of desire, to feel _that_ again, overpowered everything. 

Adam roughly took Eric’s shoulder’s, and leaned him back, falling on top of the lithe boy. 

“Come here,” Adam growled, biting Eric’s full lip, kissing him as if his mouth was the oxygen he needed to live. 

His fingers shook, as he carefully unbuttoned Eric’s shirt. All he wanted to do was rip that damn fabric off. Finally, he buried his face in Eric’s chest, nibbling on Eric’s nipples, breathing in his sweet scent. 

“Yes…” Adam breathed, drool pooling from his mouth and dripping onto Eric. 

“What,” Eric moaned, his eyes dazed.

“I want you to do it... “ 

_Oh._

“Please…” Adam choked out, his eyes burning into Eric’s. 

He didn’t need to be asked a third time. 

“Lie down.” 

Adam, shaking, did as he was told. 

“T-turn around,” Eric’s voice was gaining a little bit of power.

And Adam absolutely could not resist it. He secretly loved losing control. Living with his father, all he ever felt was this _pressure_ to be perfect. To sit tall, to excel in school, to excel in the military academy , be polite, be proper…. 

Feeling like a wild animal as he desperately panted under Eric’s touch was something he desperately needed. He was on all fours now, his cheeks looking bruised with blush, his brows furrowed, a bead of sweat on his forehead. 

“Relax….” Eric whispered, kissing Adam’s asscheek, biting it, leaving a red mark. Adam hissed in pleasure at the sting.

Then, making his way down to Adam’s asshole. 

“F-fuck,” Adam’s voice is tender, breaking at the feeling of hot, wet tongue circling his rim. 

His breaths are shaky, his knuckles white, clutching the sheets. And then he feels his boyfriend’s hot tongue probing him, and his back getting chills. 

_Did this make him weak? Did it make him a submissive bitch?_

Adam shook his head. 

_‘Not now… please.’_

He tried to focus on the heat that was pooling at his core, at the dirty sounds of saliva against his ass… 

But a part of him was already drowning. One thought. That’s all it took, most of the time. 

Adam grabbed his dick, tugging desperately, trying to get hard again. He couldn’t let Eric know… he would blame himself. Anger swirled in Adam, clouded his vision. This was the only time he could feel absolute bliss, absolute _freedom…_ And these clouds had managed to darken even this. His precious time with Eric. 

Focusing all his might on the physical, Adam let himself moan, let himself pant, anything that would fool his brain into enjoying himself for just a second more. And to his luck, he finally came…. But his mind was already far away. 

“Adam…. That was…” Eric rose from behind, only to notice his boyfriend’s stiff posture, his silence. 

“I’m sorry…” Adam breathed out heavily

. 

‘ _Fucking dumbass, can’t even hide it.’_

The teen shivered with shame. Adam gathered himself, cocooning himself away on his side. 

“I-it’s okay,” Eric whispered, rubbing Adam’s back. 

‘ _What the hell is this? I need to get him help…’_

Still petting Adam’s soft skin with one hand, Eric reached for his phone. 

- _Hey…. I might need Jean’s help._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank everyone who has liked this story and left comments :) It means a lot to me, because this story comes from a very personal place. It's been therapeutic writing out what depression actually feels like and having such an interesting character to flesh out at the same time. Thanks everyone I hope you enjoy!


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